4 steps that transform your personal suffering into universal compassion
Here’s the thing about blossoming from a forest fire: first we have to endure the flames.
In the fire of a traumatic or transitional time, it’s natural for unconscious material and hidden emotions to come up. Things we may have numbed against and only felt in a distant way for most of our lives suddenly become vivid. While these periods are unpleasant, they are fantastic for spiritual practice, because it is an opportunity to release buried confusion and deepen compassion. In fact, the more difficult the emotion, the greater the heart opening. How to do this? Rather than push the feeling away or judge yourself for having it, do the opposite: invite it in using Tonglen.
1. First, touch into the difficult feeling you are having, and contemplate this: Since beginningless time, people have felt this way. Right now, there are people all over the world feeling this way, and in the future, many others will feel it as well. In fact, it is an experience most every human will have at one time or another. Really let this in and join with all those beings who are in the same boat as you.
2. Next, consider how much you would like relief from feeling this way. When you can feel your desire for relief intensely, think: This is how much all of these other beings would like relief from this feeling. Of course, they would want relief just as much as you do.
3. Now use this sense of shared suffering to awaken your courage to invite the feeling in. Contemplate this: How wonderful it would be to relieve myself and everyone else of this feeling. When your desire is strong, set your intention: As long as it is here, I will feel this feeling thoroughly and deeply, so that no one else will have to feel it. I’ll explore it and understand it for all of us. Use this intention to help you let go of resistance to the feeling.
4. You can now get curious about the feeling, getting to know it for the sake of everyone. The better you understand the landscape of this feeling, the more easily you will be able to release it, and the more real empathy you will have for others in the same boat.
Normally we think of negative emotion as pointless suffering. By going into it for the sake of others, the suffering is no longer pointless. This means that far from being pointless, your suffering is precious fuel to awaken your heart.
